The truth sank in for the second time. I had never felt so vulnerable. A wave of disappointment surged through me. I congratulated Gerald and looked at the comments of my teachers'. Disappointment. The only thing that made me celebrate quietly was that I had improved on my Maths and English. The holidays started off with a bad note, with me catching a cold while taking forty winks during my debate session. As I watched "Huo Yuan Jia" on the television, a movie on pride and valour, my fever threatening to burn my head off, I felt a wave of desperation.
Life was really very depressing. With my MSG, could I really go far in life. My dad had far plans for me in life. He wanted me to join EC3 and at the same time, debates. He wanted me to go to SMTP instead of HP or Bi-cultural studies. But this plans were getting quite unattainable. I sighed and set these plans aside. I picked up my Chemistry book and flicked through the thick pages.
ending
9:07 PM
Thursday, May 28, 2009
There was our leader,holding a camera, filming my classmates doing something that is immorally wrong. One thing that I 80% hate- RUFFLING MY HAIR! They were waiting for me to let out a phrase of rudeness. So my poor hair suffered the brunt of my stubbornness to not say anything. Our class chairman stood there with a camera, while I walked away.
I just really feel so oppressed. The only thing that I could turn to was my music. Then oppression repeated itself when I was banned on listening to music. I just really feel like screaming and oppressed. Everything I do is controlled. Every move of me is watched. What am I supposed to do?
ending
9:38 PM
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Half a year had passed, and my future is still foggy. Although I had tried my best, I did not get the ideal marks. A few good test marks came this way, but I often passed it off as a "tyko" test where I had been lucky. There was no realisation.
However, as my MSG became a bigger and bigger headache, I started to worry. What if I did not get into CSE? What if I could not become a iCouncillor? What if, WHat if, I get an E8 for my English grade. This worries prompted me to start working harder. Every night I would sit in front of my computer, researching, mugging, trying to keep out the lure of Facebook and the computer games. I sometimes succumbed and played, but the worries soon dampened my mood and I often found myself staring at the book, trying to memorize all those quotes and information.
There was always something to look forward, the iLeague. This soccer competition often made me sweaty, but there was always a sense of satisfaction (with the exception of us losing), after each win or draw. Then there was also MSP, which I never knew why I had even joined it. MSP was just a boring programme where we murmured foreign words. The mundane teacher made things worst.
I often find myself, staring into the night sky, wondering about the foggy future that I had. A sliver of determination rose up. I would try my best to get better MSG. I would show them that I am better than them. I would show them... AH never mind. A leader in a bid for world conquest will never unveil their ambitious plans. *ahem*. I would work harder, and I mean it. I am going to revise.
There was always something to look forward to at the end of the day. Debates, iLeague, the holidays. And there is always Anton's cheeks that you can piinnnncchhhhh. LOL.
I moved the mouse to http://www.youtube.com/ and clicked it. I typed "Spaceman" and listened. What a beautiful world. Wait, where was the math worksheet that I had completed? A purple slip of paper slipped under the bed. arghhh.
